Fatherhood, Legacy & Leading Daughters Well w/ Yusef Marshall

What does it really mean to show up as a father of daughters?

In this episode of The Daughtered Podcast, I sit down with Yusef Marshall—host of One on One with Mr. Yu, certified high-performance coach, leadership coach, minister, speaker, and proud father of three daughters, to dive deep into fatherhood, legacy, and what it takes to raise strong, confident daughters in today’s world.

Yusef brings over 25 years of coaching, leadership, and life experience to this conversation, but more importantly, he brings the perspective of a man who has walked the road of raising daughters into adulthood... and now into grandchildren and even great-grandchildren.

We talk about the biggest mistakes fathers make with daughters, why many men take a passive role in parenting girls, how fathers shape the standard their daughters will one day look for in relationships, and why being present matters far more than simply being a provider.

This is a real conversation about growth, responsibility, and becoming the kind of man your daughters need.

If you're a father trying to become stronger, more mindful, and more present—this episode is for you.

Connect with Yusef Marshall:
🎙 One on One with Mr. Yu
🎙 Men’s Round Table Series
🎙 They Call Me Mr. Yu

Listen, subscribe, and share this episode with another dad who’s working to show up better every single day. 

00:00 Dreams vs Family Values

00:34 Podcast Welcome and Guest Intro

02:23 Yusef’s Many Hats and Legacy

05:56 Brooklyn Roots and Mom’s Influence

08:04 Values Across Generations

11:28 Becoming a Dad in 1985

12:35 No Playbook for Fatherhood

18:38 Pressure to Be the Role Model

19:49 Barbershop Scare Lesson

22:41 Raising Independent Daughters

23:09 Letting Go and Trusting God

25:44 Common Girl Dad Pitfalls

28:12 Showing Up in the Details

30:37 Media and the Passive Dad

33:25 Man Cave vs Being Present

34:42 Learning When to Listen

36:34 Are Dads Improving Today

39:00 Building Value as Men

41:29 Podcast Mission and Origin

43:57 Shows and Safe Spaces

47:07 Closing Thanks and Next Steps

Guest Disclaimer:

The views and opinions expressed on this podcast are solely those of the guests. They do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the host, any organizations, companies, or institutions mentioned, or corporate entities represented by the host.

Our aim is to provide a platform for diverse perspectives and open dialogue. While we strive for accuracy and balance, it's important to recognize that opinions may vary. We encourage critical thinking and further exploration of the topics discussed.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:46

But my goal was to kind of get out of the ghetto and be a New York Yankee. Be a baseball player. That was my big master plan. Mom was not hearing that. Strong family values and strong cultural values and strong morality. Those are big deals. I'm in New York where morality wasn't really a big deal the most. Do whatever. Walk over whoever. Get what you gotta get, you know, while you can get it. And I'm like, oh wow. So I'm sitting here like, am I getting ready to corrupt all that with my story? I'm sitting here thinking, like, oh man, do I want to share some things? I don't know how that's gonna go through. But that's just my thoughts. Welcome to the Daughter Podcast, where fathers become everyday heroes in their daughters' lives. Grow, and live with love. Here's your host, Oscar Pinna.

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Daughter Podcast. Oscar here, your fellow girl and girl dad. Today with another fellow girl and girl dad. Uh Yusuf Marshall is gonna join us today to talk about girl dad stuff. And it's really cool because he's not gonna look like it. As soon as I put him on camera here in a minute, you'll see what I'm talking about. He doesn't look like he has a 40-year-old daughter, but he does. And the experience he's gained, he's bringing over the the daughter podcast. And man, I am so happy to have him. So, Yusuf, man, how are you? Thank you so much for being with us today.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

It's a pleasure to be on here with your Oscar. Thanks for having me in here. I'm doing good, man. Long day today, but it's okay, man. This is uh probably gonna be the highlight of the day. So glad to be in here in the box with you, man. Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Well, thank you. I know it's gonna highlight for me. Um, I got the privilege of being on one-on-one with Mr. U, which is who we have on here. And I didn't even give him the full uh intro because he he's got like literally 100 hats, it feels like. But he's a certified high performance coach, worship leader, songwriter, and dynamic speaker of over 25 years of experience, guys. I mean, so he brings that aside, but today we're gonna focus on using all of that, all the experience he has, and bringing it to how he has grown as a father of three daughters. So that's a conversation that I'm excited about. I I I've got my notebook, all right. I'm ready to start taking some notes on all the goodness that we're gonna pick up today, man. I know I gave you a little intro, dude, but if if you can just give us a little bit about your background and obviously, you know, your father in background and your daughters.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Well, you mentioned a lot of stuff. I'm a high performance coach. I'm I'm a minister. My wife and I do ministry together here locally, have been for nearly 30 years now. I've been a leadership coach, uh life coach for about I guess we're going to year 27 now. Wow. Uh so the high performance coach is a new realm for me. It's not like what I was doing before, genre-wise, but it's it's still me coaching, so I'm not I'm not totally lost here.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Been a podcaster for five years. We got three uh excuse for moving podcasts. You know about one, and there's a couple that we probably will talk about at some point, probably. And beside that, man, I I just I I hustle and I try to get things done. I'm from New York City originally, so it's kind of hard to not think about being a mover and a shaker. I mean, sometimes I gotta slow down. But you know, I'm trying to just create a legacy, man. So I think it's kind of a big part of why I'm doing all these things and wearing all these hats, man. Yeah, I'm not trying to be uh make myself wealthy and be self-made. I'm trying to just make an impact because I know my time here is limited, and I want to go to the end of my story empty and not full of stuff I haven't done. So that's kind of that's kind of my big my big picture goal for why I do all I do. Yeah, I'm tired sometimes, you can get weary, but the work it matters, so and it matters to a lot of people beside myself. So that's why I'm doing what I'm doing, man. Everything I'm doing, actually.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

Well, I can attest to how much it matters. You run a round table of men, and obviously in the daughter podcast, we're here to learn and we're here to grow, right? Because if you're not growing, you're just stealthfully dying. Like that's just not what we're doing, right? And that legacy, man, you know, you're you're obviously building a legacy of of all the things that you're doing, obviously for your family as well. But you're you're passing that legacy on to men that like me, I'm gonna take this information, I'm gonna write it down, I'm gonna go implement it in hopes that I'm just better a little bit every single day in showing up for my daughters, man. And so absolutely cementing that legacy that you're doing. And again, as I mentioned, guys, look at look at Mr. U here. Like, he looks like a young man. I don't know where, I don't know where he's been or what kind of water he's drinking, but uh we might have to take some of that because he doesn't he doesn't look a day over 30 over here.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

I don't know what to tell you, man. I hear the kind of stuff all the time. Nobody believes the story. I mean, and I I left out the part that we got six grandkids and three great-grandchildren. That that part is like nobody, nobody's who would lie about that, man. That's not that's not a badge of honor. I'm like, who would lie about that? But it's my it's my story, and I'm yeah, I'm learning how to be comfortable in it. Because I wasn't always that way. But I'm learning how to be comfortable in that story. There's a lot. A lot of responsibility comes with saying, you know what, I got daughters, grandchildren, great grandchildren. That's if you don't see the obligation, the responsibility in that something, something you need to reframe how you see it. Because something's missing there. That's that's a that's a big, it's a big weight. That's crazy to think about.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Like, yeah, that's that's amazing. Congratulations. I mean, that's that's thank you, sir. Thank you. But let's get into old Youssef. No, no, opposite. Young Youssef coming in, and I mean, who was he before before daughters got here? Like, what what what what are we looking at?

SPEAKER_00 6:42

All right, well, he is from Brooklyn, New York. Literally, can I say from the streets without making it sound super ghetto, but he's from but he's but he's he's from the streets, but he comes from a family that pride itself on religion and education. Uh, my grandmother from Cuba and my mom was from the Virgin Islands in Barbados. So I had those kind of uh humble beginnings where I understood the integrity of work, and what my main goals in life was to make my mother proud. I saw her work two jobs and go to school almost the entire time I lived in her home. So for me, being the last key kid, my goal was to make sure I didn't mess up and bring shame on the family. Right. That was literally what I was thinking about all the time. And as a young, for a young person, that's kind of like that's a lot to carry around. Yeah. I mean, I'm out there playing stick ball and throwing rocks and and doing and playing tag and doing and hide and go seek and fun stuff too. But at the end of the day, my my main goal was not to mess up and and and dishonor my mother and my grandmother. Uh so I was uh highly educated from the beginning. I was uh average reader and learner, soaking in information. My mother would teach calculus and learn calculus for her uh medical career. I would try to read the same books that she was studying at an age where I had no concept of what we were talking about. So I would read the medical books, I'll read the math books, the calculus books. I didn't even, I was nowhere near taking calculus. So I would definitely be a soaker of information. And I think it helped me out uh to a degree as I got older, but my goal was to kind of get out of the ghetto and be a New York Yankee, be a baseball player. That was that was my big master plan. Mom was not hearing that. I told you she was higher education, right? So she wanted me to do something that had some numbers and letters behind it. Not a baseball player, not uh uh a musical artist, not a performer, not a musician, yeah, none of not a basketball player or baseball play, none of those things. So she wanted me to be in some kind of a career that had longevity because she saw people who didn't have in life. Yeah, she grew up around that. So she didn't want that for her son.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

I mean, I'm listening to this instillment of these values that you that that you work hard to keep, that you work hard to protect, as you're like you're saying, I'm working hard to not bring any shame to my family because there's value there. And it's interesting as you say that, and you know, let's let's let's be fair. You didn't have iPhones and the internet and all these things to distract you, which is now just an excuse, right? Like, we know we can still be intentional. But I was having this conversation the other day about leaving legacy and and in and lessons and uh wisdom with with my kids, right? Like, how do I do that? How do I do that? And it feels like your mom knew that as well, but she instilled them in values, so she could have given you a lesson, but that lesson was always coming back to a value that she instilled in you, and that's something that more and more I start thinking about. I'm like, Am I are my kids internalizing the lessons and the things that that I want them to learn? Because if they're not, then I'm not connecting it to what the values in our family are.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah, and it sounds like and I'm like, oh wow. So I'm sitting here like, am I getting ready to corrupt all that with my story? I'm I'm I'm sitting here thinking, like, oh man, do I want to share some things I don't know how it's gonna go through? But that's just my thoughts. That's what your mom did very well. Yeah, I think it's there's always an and this is just me talking out of all these things going on in my in my head right now, all these thoughts that I think I think about all the time about culture and legacy. There's always an inherent danger of trying to give the next generation something that you know came from previous generations, but you can't do that, it's not all things equal. It's happened in the 1800s. You can't apply that to the to the 2000s because the situation was different. People were in war, people were in poverty, the mindset was just different. You can't take that mindset and bring it over here because a husband had to had to do something different in the 1800s than he had to do in 2026. It's a different world. So I had to keep that in mind also not to take the old world values that could be instilled in me and try to apply it into my right now. So it's some adaptation that had to take place. But she definitely uh shared that uh values were important to her. I mean, it's not not because they were from an island and had that kind of culture, but I think it did play a part where you know, strong family values and strong cultural values and strong morality, those are big deals. I'm in New York where morality wasn't really a big deal to most people. Yeah, it was like do whatever, walk over whoever, get what you gotta get, you know, while you can get it, you know? Right. So that's that's it was different, but I thank God for her for the value she instilled in me. You know, I even think it's this day, I'm like, I'm grateful for it. Some things I'm like, I can't apply everything that I see. Yeah, I just put it out there. I can't apply everything I hear. Even things that were things I accepted in the past that I'm like, yeah, that's not gonna work for me today. I I know too much. I've been behind the curtain, I know too much now. But no, those value values are powerful, and they speak to what we're talking about faith and family and fatherhood. Values are a big deal, man, because that's what gets you out of the bed in the morning. So, you know what? I gotta do this. I can't do that. So that's right. Big deal, man. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

So now take us a little bit more forward. Your your first your first child is 85, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:22

She was born in 85.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

85. Man, what is the thought there? Because you gotta add context. You just mentioned it, right? Like, you can't take the old values to put in, but there's gotta be this. I mean, we uh for me, it was one, there's there's a a new human that is that I'm gonna be in charge of that like that is is gonna be reliant on me, which is wild when you think about it. You're like, but I I'm barely relying on myself. You know, I'm trying to figure this thing out.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

What did that look like for you?

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Yeah, and I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna answer that, but I'm purposely one thing because I'm trying to understand my my trepidation by answering this question a little bit. I got a chance to see your beautiful family recently. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, oh wow. So now I'm sitting here like, am I getting ready to corrupt all that with my story? I'm I'm I'm sitting here thinking, like, oh man, do I want to share some things? I don't know how that's gonna go through. But that's just my thoughts. I'm just saying out loud to my friend. But in regards to that, it was a challenge for me. I mean, all three of our daughters, you know, they they're all two years apart. And they it's it's coming into their life and just being a part of this new family we were creating. The hard part was that you know what? Where do I pull from? I mean, I was an avid reader, I grabbed resources, I read things at a rapid pace because I wanted to learn and grow in wisdom. And now I had a hunger for it, I can't really explain where it came from. At least not at the time. I'm sitting here now, like, where do I pull from to learn how to father these three little princesses who don't have anybody but me in their life? And their mother, how do I pour into them and not mess, it's almost like you know, like dealing with China dolls, how do I mess this up without breaking it? That's a good point. It was it was a really it was a really serious fear for me. Because I'm like, you mess this up. This kind of stuff, I mean, in my mind, I figure if you mess it up, it's kind of permanent. Yes. You know, we can believe in God and transformation and those things that they all true, and we know that to be true today. But in my mind, I'm like, if I if I mess this up right here, I'm scarring these people. Yeah, I'm even a mark that might not go away. So I'm like I'm like super concerned about my role as a father. I'm like, I can't ask my father how to help me do this because he wasn't able to help me do it. I don't have a father figure that I can pull on for information. I mean, my point of reference was the Bill Cosby show in 1984. That's how I learned how far that's how I learned how fatherhood could potentially look as a model.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

And you know, now that I could be frowned upon by some people, but for me, it was everything. Yeah. And I'm like, so how do I do this? So I was totally out of my depth. Yeah, completely. I was bringing mindsets that I saw around me, saw on television, and tried to forge that into a fathering or parenting plan with these three beautiful little girls. So I'm saying, like, I don't know. And they were all very, very young, too. I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. But yeah, I just tried to figure it out, piece it together, learn from my mistakes, reframe some bad mindsets, and just try to take care of them and be the best that I can be. So with hindsight, looking back at these girls that are adults, now I'm like, I hope I didn't cause this to happen. Because dealing with these things now, I'm like, did I teach them, equipped them well enough so that they could have survived that? Right. Whether just a personal decision they made counter to what they learned from me, and that's why they're in a spot that they're in. So even as an adult with adult daughters, I'm sitting here like, Dad, did I do good? I'm still wondering, you know, I'm still waiting for somebody to say, You did great, son. Yeah, you did great, dad. I love you. You're still in it, yeah. Yeah, I'm I'm still I'm still I'm still I'm still in the uh I'm in the soup, so to speak.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

So yeah. Man, that's a great point because you're absolutely right. You know, the the playbook you were given has a factor, right? And that's everybody, different people. You your playbook was almost non-existent, as you mentioned. You had to go find a playbook to say, oh, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm glad that there was something, right? Um when we're looking at the magnitude of what you're talking about, I think. I don't know if I say it this way because it feels like I'm giving myself props, but I think good fathers think that way. I think if you are if if you even have the intent of being a good father, that is your thought. How do I I like how you said it too, by the way. You said, how do I mess these up without breaking them? Because you know you're human. Right? Like, we know we're human. So yes, we know this is not gonna go perfect. Let's figure out how to do this. The thing that um I think about is is how resilient we can help make them when we don't think about that. Right? We and I'm telling you from I I thought the same thing. My first daughter's coming, I'm like, first of all, child crazy. Second of all, it's a girl. How am I supposed to raise a girl? Like, I don't have no, I know nothing. And everything I read or listened to, because I was this was 2012, so I would pull up an audiobook or uh I'd find a podcast, which was not that many in 2012 for for fathering girls. Actually, there wasn't that many in 2024 when I when I started, um they never gave me like satisfaction of like, okay, I'm gonna do that and like write it down. That's what I'm doing. Because once you got here, man, that weight felt extremely heavy. Right? And so trying to get to that, to finding how to I love how you said that. Like, how do I go about this without completely breaking the plate? Like, how do I do this?

SPEAKER_00 18:28

It's a real thing, man. It's a real thing.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

And the thing is, in in in 85, like, I don't know that. I mean, I don't, dude, I don't know how I would have done it. Because like I said, I was able to reach back and say and be like, oh, there's a book here, there's an audio book here, there's there's one or two podcasts, I'm gonna listen to that. Like, what are they doing? Um dude, I I can't I can't even imagine getting to that point. And I'm trying to think of what was going back in like what's happening around you, right? The context. 85, like I can't really think of exactly what's going on. But if I try to put it in in context now, like even now, you know, our youngest is five. I can't, it it's it's sad, but I sometimes think I'm like, I don't know that if we could that I would feel right about bringing another kid because it just seems like a crazy world. You know, so how do I how do I I used to say how do I protect them from it? Now I say, how do I teach them to protect themselves from this? You know, what is what is your mindset when when you hold your daughter for the first time?

SPEAKER_00 19:29

I I feel like the the the mindset is, you know, they look into and I even seen it with my uh with my little sister too. It's like they'll they probably look into me. I gotta be a role model because sometimes I mean growing up where I was, role model was not on my mind. Yeah, not only did I not have one, I wasn't trying to be one. I was a solo artist for the most part, free agent. So doing that, uh I think you probably feel it with your young one in 2012. It's like they even look to me, I gotta I gotta I gotta show up. I I can't afford to have an off day. It's like it's it's so unfair to ourselves to think like that. But yeah, we still do though. And we gotta just validate the fact that it's a real thing, it's a real thing. We ain't gotta accept it and make it our home, but it's a real thing. We're thinking every day I can't afford to be imperfect. Yeah, I gotta get it right every time. If I don't, bad things are happening. And you know what? Like I said, that's not fair. We're not perfect. We shouldn't uh hold ourselves or our kids to that standard, but man, yeah, we feel that thing, man. Talking about 85, man. That 85 was uh there was a lot going on, man, in the world. Uh kind of like now. It's not wasn't a lot of great things happening in the world. Yeah, yeah. My daughters, man, they gave they gave me my daughters gave me the scare of a lifetime. And it also reminded me of how tenuous the situation was. I need to go to the barbershop, and I was taking the girls with me that day. So we all they were all riding in my pickup. Right? And bear in mind the our relationship was new. Okay, and what I did was I said, y'all can wait in the truck, keep the doors locked. I'm just gonna get my hair cut. I already got an appointment, should be able to be in and out, but it's a barbershop, you know how that is. So I'm gonna go. Yeah, you're right. Right? And I come, I come back out. I don't think it was a lot of time. I got right in the chair, that my guy was ready. He probably wasn't even 30 minutes. Got back to the truck, and the girls were gone. No. Now, I'm in this, I'm I'm I'm in, I'm in a state that I don't, that I just moved to. It's not New York City, it's South Carolina. Just moved here. You know what I'm saying? My wife's at work. I'm sitting here thinking, okay, who am I calling? Am I calling 911 or I'm calling my wife to tell her that I can't find our daughters? What's gonna be my first phone call? So I'm sitting there panicking, looking around like, God, and and my relationship with him was new. So I was like, okay, how do I say God, God, you see what's up? Can you and I was walking around like, wait, why would they, why would they leave? I had yeah, my thoughts going through my mind was so much like you're going to jail in South Carolina, they're gonna bury you under the jail. Your marriage is over. Oh my gosh. If you get back to New York, you you're going back and you're probably gonna never come back down here again. I'm but it was all kind of thoughts going in my mind. So I'm walking around the truck, like, God, what in the world? And I and I I just felt uh a strong impression in me to just be quiet and listen. Okay. Cause I was panicking. I'm like, okay. I listened for about I would even say five seconds, and I could hear the sound of laughter and giggling. All right. So I'm like In the back of my back of my truck is the cab with the cover over it. They're inside the back of the cab. I guess I left guess I left it unlocked. So they're inside the cab, laughing and giggling while their dad died here panicking in the streets. Oh, they got you good. What I learned from that, but after after yeah, I was shit.

SPEAKER_02 23:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:05

They got a stern talking too. That's about it, though. I couldn't go further. Like I was so happy that they were still here.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

So the world, the world, the world, the world around us was crazy. But the point that I think I got what I got from it personally as a as a father was you know what? You're not in control of this situation. That's what I learned from this. You don't run this situation. You can do the best you can and you should. Yeah. Work hard, create systems, do things to help them be the best that they can be without trying to mold them into your own image. And teach them how to be strong, like you and I discussed in the past. Teach them how to be strong and somewhat independent so they can be able to function. Yeah. When you're not around because it's gonna be a time where you're not gonna be around. They can't run to you for everything. They gotta be able to survive and not survive, but I would say thrive in their environments, wherever they're gonna be. So that's what I learned from that situation. You don't control the situation. I was totally helpless. There was nothing I can do to make the situation better. Now I learned that you know what? I gotta trust God knowing this stuff. I gotta trust, you know, what I'm teaching them is good enough to help them in life. And incrementally, they're gonna learn more. More's gonna be added on in learning in their wisdom. But all you can do is the best you can do, man. So take the load off your shoulders, man. Just do the best you can do with and and keep your uh your flesh and your personal opinions out of it, and just do the best you can for those girls that you know need to be able to uh make it in this in this crazy world that we live in, man. If that makes sense. Yeah, hope it does.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

No, I absolutely there's there's a a big difference of when you allow yourself to trust in God when when these things happen. It's a big difference in, and I for me, I'm probably where you're at, which is like relatively new, right? But I've always uh grown up in prayer and and these different things, but when when you accept when you bring it in as a full grown man, that that's really different. And I have learned that I have not had that exact situation. Uh there's a couple of times where we lost, well, I shouldn't say we. When I lost my daughters here in the neighborhood, where I was like, oh crap, I don't know where she went. And then, you know, I'm frantically looking. Luckily, we live in a in a pretty safe neighborhood, but nevertheless, right? You're you're just like you said, all these things go through your head, start panicking, like, what where are they? How can I have done this? Blah blah blah. My wife didn't know about it for weeks, but that sense of not being in control is a very interesting one. And it takes me a little bit towards like how you've coached, because as an athlete, I've been coached, and as an athlete, it'll it makes sense to almost you don't give control to the coach, but you allow the coach to give you these different views that you're not able to see, right? You've had I think you said 27 years of experience in that realm. And I have to be, I mean, I'm I'm curious what what flaw I guess maybe we'll call that, what flaw have you noticed trends with young men raising daughters or getting ready to or not? Um what have you seen in your experience in all that time that we tend to kind of do to ourselves and puts us in a like a failing state? Not I guess maybe not a failing state. What puts us behind?

SPEAKER_00 27:27

Uh and I this is I guess I had to keep it in the general in this in my answer. Yeah. So forgive me for that in advance. Uh what I've noticed with men who have daughters, you know, hashtag girl dads and whatnot, I feel like one of the things that they do is they they take a it's a good word for this. They kind of take a passive approach to fatherhood, to parenting. Uh they default on the the wife because she's a girl. And and and they may think, you know what, oh, she's gonna understand more and and he and he won't. So it it limits how much he tries. It limits how much he decides to uh to venture out. I mean, because not that are our girls are our territories, but they're that we need to kind of explore relationships in a different way with them. Because we can't just say, you know what, or it's what a girl should be, and it should look like this because my mother and grandmama said so, my my father and my grandfather said so. You know, we gotta kind of look at things like, you know, okay, these are creative, intuitive, unique human beings. Yes. They just happen to be your daughter. Yeah. So this this part of me to understand and and kind of help, in some ways, help shape and help mode in some way because some things are just a it's just a clump, and we gotta, you know, kind of help work, help make them understand, you know what, you can be that without you know tearing everything down in your wake. No, you can still be creative and unique and and powerful and all that. So I feel like I feel like most men I've seen that have a flaw, if you, if you will, is they lay back on parenting because they feel like, you know what, they they're concerned about whether their voice is going to be heard because of the man or what what it's gonna look like, will it be received? It's something that we deal with as men, has nothing to do with our daughters, it's something that we bring to the table. And I just what what I tried to do, and I found I kind of stumbled into this myself as a parent. I tried to be really actively involved. I was doing my daughter's hair. It's still it's still a funny story to this day because it didn't look like it was like professionally done. Uh-huh. It was just like, hey, my wife's busy, she's working, things are going on. I this is this is my assignment. So I styled their hair, put berettes in their hair. I did that. I helped pick out their clothes. I did that. I made lunches. I wasn't even actually a a a home or house dad or whatever the term is for it. I was working at at times too, but it was just it was something I wanted to be involved in. I was overcompensating for what I didn't have, to be real about it. I'm like, you know what? I gotta help.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

I can't just be this guy standing in the background, he's gotta bring the check home, and that's all he contributes to the household. I wanted to be involved. I was involved in a lot of things. Daddy-daughter dances, helping them with their homework, you know, standing in the door when boys want to come come ringing my doorbell. Right. Do do we ain't doing that. So I was, I was, I was a part of all the anything you could think of. It just has to be a few things that you probably understand that the fathers probably need to stay out of that part. Let the mom handle the the girl issues and stuff. Right. But but besides that, I was involved in everything. And I feel like a lot of men I see drop the ball if they try to avoid that because of their own uh feelings of inadequacy, their own hang-ups, or they just feel like you know what, I can't help but so much. They limit themselves in their own mind. Nobody even limited them. They limit themselves in their own mind just because what they think about themselves. Yeah. And our fathers can be a lot of things. I see fathers that can do great things for the daughter. I mean, it's that relationship is beautiful, man. When I see it, it it brings me the tears a lot of times. I can't even look at Instagram sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

It brings me the tears. I'm like, man, that's how it's supposed to be. Yeah. A father can be actively involved in it. I mean, because that is gonna be the man or kind of man that she's gonna want to marry.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

And sees as uh viable in her life. Even even friends, not even just marriage, but even the kind of friend she has. Absolutely. They're gonna model that father. So if you're not around, if you're invisible, if you're hiding out in the garage, taking around with your old car, and your daughter's inside letting TV father her, yeah. What do you get?

SPEAKER_02 31:50

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

You get what you invest in, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 31:52

So you know what's interesting is if you look at I think I think it started in the 90s. It might have started before, but I remember in the 90s where the shows you started to watch almost put dads in that place, right? Like the sit the sitcoms. Yeah, the sitcoms were like the 90s sound about right. That's that's that's about right. You started to see that late. Oh, that dad is just here to like provide, and then he kind of just sits in the background, he doesn't want to mess with anything. Like, tell your mom, like, I don't I don't even know what's going on, or like the real dummy dad, right? Like the loot ball, whatever. Um, and then you know, we we start pushing, and I'll tell you, I I was 100% guilty right up front. Like, when we had my daughter, I'm like, uh, this has got to be you. I don't know what's going on here. Like, this is the situation is different than what I what I know, right? As my daughter started getting older, I I felt that I was like, I I wanna be doing that. So then I would start with her hair. Let me do her hair, you know. For and it kind of sucked for her a little bit because some people will understand. I had a specific military training for a really long time. And uh one of the jokes is like we're combat seamstress, so I could sew, like it's taught it taught me how to sew real good, it taught me how to braid real good, and so I that's where I started. I'm like, well, I know how to do this, let's start this. And then I make some tight braids, and my daughter was not liking it. Like, this this hurts kind of thing. I got better at it, I've gotten more finesse. But what I'm saying is that I started before with like I tell my wife, I'm like, hey, this is you, right? And it was instant, like it felt instant. Like, I don't know, this is not me. I gotta I gotta pull back. I don't want to know anything about this. As my start, my daughter started to get older, she would ask me questions, and I think that's where it started, where I would I would try to get real scientific with it so that I wouldn't like especially those those questions where it's like, well, what why do I have this thing here? I'm like, oh, let's um let's see why, you know, and before I would be like, That's that's your mom. I don't I don't know anything about that. But then I started getting into all right, I can answer these questions. I just as you mentioned, for me it was like a slippery slope. Like, how do I answer it? And it's not taken in a weird way or the wrong way, right? Like it's just yeah, but I get you. I get you. But I think you're right. It's so important as you start to move forward and you're you're like, where is your dad? Because I want to help. I I'm I'm all over the house. I'm doing stuff in my garage, I'm doing stuff in the house, I'm doing whatever needs to be done. And that's kind of the whole concept in the family. Hey, you're you're a unit, so you're part of the unit, you're you're doing work just like the rest of us. The other thing that that that takes me to is the uh what do they call it? The um the man space or the um like you know, like dads will have like a garage or a man cave. Yeah, man cave, right? For the longest time, even after my second daughter came to us, I'm like, I need a man cave, right? I need a man cave. Man, like the more and more I started to think of that, and the more really when I started to hit that realization of how much more I need to be present with my daughters, the man cave became like not good. Like in my mind, I'm like, wait a minute, I don't want to go hide over there. Odds are I'm gonna want them with me because I want to hang out with them, and then it's no longer a man cave, at least not by definition. So, right? So, but I'm saying, like, my the the shift in mind is is what I think men have to do is is that you have to shift that the man cave separates you from your daughters, and then they're gonna feel that, right? Oh, my dad just goes to hide in the man cave and we kind of do our girl thing over here or whatever. Um, mom only does her hair, uh, you know, certain talks, only mom, right? And what I've gotten better at is asking, right? And I'm gonna tell you a story. I put myself in a situation where my daughter, my oldest, was had said something to me, and and she's like, never mind, I'll talk to mom. Right, and I'm like, what? We could talk, right? She's like, you won't understand, and I'm not gonna share her whole story because obviously that would be um getting into her business, right? But but I said, no, try me. And she did try me, and I was like, Oh, uh, and I just dude, I stood there, I didn't know what to do. Because the situation definitely called for experience of a woman, that's not me, and I had and I had nothing in my back pocket, like no scientific thing, nothing. So I started making a joke, and then she's like, I told you, and she got mad, and I instantly was like, Oh man, I kind of jacked that one up, right? Um, but for the most part, I try to get into their lives where I can. But now I ask, hey, is this something that I can help you with? Uh, do you want me to just listen? And then they'll be like, You absolutely can't help me with this. I need to talk to mom. Okay, I'm here though. Let me know if I can do anything for you. But before I I push the issue, right? Before it was like, no, no, no, no, don't do that. Tell me. I'm I got this. And I did not.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

We learned from those kind of lessons, man. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

So um, very, very quick learner over here. Um, like a monkey with a fire. So it works. Um, all right, so we see the flaw, and and I feel it. I I I think that's such a good perspective that you just gave us, right? We tend to separate ourselves because we feel like we don't know, we don't know what we're doing, so we're gonna give it off when really let's learn, let's get in there in there and learn. As you've now progress in coaching and fatherhood, and and your daughters are older. What's one thing you've seen start to change with with fathers? Hopefully, a positive. You have you seen a positive trend with fathers?

SPEAKER_00 38:07

It'd be a great answer if I can say yes. That would be great. Yeah. Um I'm not I'm not seeing a lot of that. And the only places where I see it is in my connection with people like you, people who are panelists on our men's roundtable series podcast, and we talk about those kind of things. That's when I see it primarily. Outside of that, in circles that I run in, personal ministry, community circles, I see a lot of the same. People are just there. If a if a if a father has boys, then you see active involvement. If he has girls, it's limited to specific events like daddy daughter time, or just uh uh intentional one day out of uh who and who how many months where they just go have lunch together at or at go to the ice cream shop. Nothing wrong with that, but that seems to be where it starts and stops. So I'm not seeing a lot of progress, but that's that's not because there isn't any. I'm just talking about in the circles where I'm at. Yeah. You know, if it comes through in coaching slash counseling conversations, it still seems to be one of those things that's like, you know, it it's it's not it's not in the top three relevant issues that we'll be talking about. And it probably should be, but it's not. Uh I see more change in in you than I do in a lot of those other areas. Every time we have a conversation, I see something that's different. I see every way you've pivoted and you learn from your mistakes and you adjust it, you know, as opposed to trying to hide a mistake and hope nobody sees it, hope nobody notices. You know, so so people like you and some others that that's where I'm I'm encouraged by that.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Because we gotta, we gotta we gotta evolve a little bit, we gotta we gotta pivot and not not be so uh willing to kind of give up on what we can contribute. But that's that's that's what that's what it really all goes about seeing value in yourself. If you don't see it, you know what I'm saying? You can't expect anybody else to see it, whether it be uh your wife or your daughters or your sons or anybody else. So you kind of go back to value.

SPEAKER_02 40:26

On one of your um panels, you you guys were talking about the societal value you're given as a man in the current context, right? Yeah, and I think maybe that's where that's at, right? Like you start to believe that as a man you're just a problem, right? Like because you're a man, because there's uh what do you call it, the patriarchy, because there's like all these crazy things out there. And I think as as I look, you know, I'm also hopeful because the numbers, at least on on my show, show me that. It seems to be going up, right? And that's really good. To me, that's hopeful because as we mentioned before, if just one guy can flip that switch a little bit, you know, and start to be present, not only did we give him that that uh ability to to enjoy what fatherhood is, but then we gave that child a present father. So all in all, it's a win-win, right?

SPEAKER_00 41:35

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 41:36

If it's just one. But how I mean, listen, I know you're gonna we're getting close on time. You are doing a ton of work out there. You're doing you have your panel, you have uh one-on-one, you also have um the other show, and I'm just drawing a blank on it. That's right, that's right. And that's the kind of work that is combating some of this nonsense out there, right? Reminding men that we are important, not just as men in society, but particularly with our daughters. We it's it's an important thing for you to show up the right way with your girls. Give me a little bit of background on the work you're doing. And we're gonna get you know, all your links. Obviously, we're gonna throw them on and people are gonna be able to find you. But I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful for the numbers that I see in in The Rising. I'm hopeful for the men that I see log into the live um panels and and and engage. Yeah. Um, give me a little bit of that uh of your of that background with with what you're working on right now and then all the shows that you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Okay. Uh real quick story. This whole uh journey started in 2020, probably one of the worst times in our world's history, as you guys already know. Yeah, uh, I was having some some dealings, I was having some big time challenges, you know, losing jobs, wondering what's where the next meal's gonna come from, that kind of thing, and having some real dark thoughts. Now, being from New York, one thing that was common there was that radio was a big part of the background of my life.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

No matter what I was doing and where I was, there was usually a radio going on in the background. At home, in the car, on the train, on the bus. It's always some kind of music from the radio going on in the background. So the big part of my childhood and my upbringing. So we hit 2020 and I was, you know, finding out as we all did that we came look at TV. Everything was bad news. Like even the sitcoms were infiltrated in bad, I mean, sitcoms, situation comedies were making me sad because of what was in them. Like, okay, I can't retreat to TV to escape the real life stuff going on around me. And radio was not non-existent, but it was really hard to find radio that year. It's kind of getting phased out. So I felt compelled to embrace podcasting instead. Uh people were talking, like I'm talking, they were talking about things that mattered to me, that would germane to me. They had some of the same feelings I had, and they were around people who were talking through it. That encouraged me to keep going because I was really dealing like, man, this is not sign me. It did a sign out sheet. Yeah, right. Sign me out of this. Me added. Yeah. I want it out, seriously. But uh, that was what started the process. We started a show called They Call Me Mr. You. That was our very first show. As a matter of fact, we're not even producing it anymore, but it's still our most popular show. It's still in the 0.5% or whatever around the world. We're not even producing anything new. It's just it's like four seasons of work that's just out there where you can see it. I mean, it got sports in it. Got everything in there but politics. It got sports, and even a little bit of politics are in there, too. So you got sports, a little tiny bit of politics, a little bit of religion, you got personal development, you got humor, you got uh education, all kinds of stuff in there. So it's uh it's four seasons of a lot of stuff, which is really, really good. But I had a lot to say. I had a lot on my chest, and it took four seasons to get it all out. So now that show has become the brand. For the other shows, The Inspiration Station, where I talk to people kind of one-on-one about uh life stuff, uh personal development things. I coach to the world through that particular venue. The what the uh men's uh roundtable series podcast. We have uh a uh a monthly panelist, maybe about five to eight men usually, sometimes a little bit less nowadays, but five to seven men, they'll come on and we'll talk about a safe space for men's and men's issues. All we talk about is what's germane to men, what men are dealing with, what men are feeling, and how men seek to handle and resolve the issues and kind of grow as men. Fathers, brothers, husbands, and sons will be uh kind of uh focusing on. So it's been going on for about I think almost eight months now. So we're excited about it. Uh, but we've just been doing that for a while. It's growing. Uh there's a lot of areas where it can grow some more, but I feel like there's a uh a mission that every man that comes on the show or knows about the show and watches it and listens to it, you have a responsibility. I know people put it on me, like I gotta promote. No, I don't. We we need to be building something that we think is valuable for us.

SPEAKER_01 46:23

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 46:24

Because men don't have safe spaces a lot of the times, and those man caves, those aren't even safe spaces a lot of the time, they're isolations. Yeah, they're isolation, they're isolation, isolation chambers. Yeah, and they turn into that for a lot of people and state that state that safe space is blessing a lot of men. I even get mothers and wives that text me and call me on my phone and say, I wish my husband would do this. This is so great. I hear more from women sometimes than do from men, which is an astounding commentary, though. And the last show was one-on-one with Mr. U. That's our flagship show right now. We interview people from around the world. Generally, they get compelling stories and actionable strategies and tips on how to grow, whether it be in business slash entrepreneurship, in personal development, in marriage, or just what whatever it is that you know, whatever journey you're on, to be the best version of yourself that you can be. I bring people in who can kind of speak to that former coaches, uh C-suite employees, CEOs. I bring those folks in so you can kind of have their view on that. They may have something to offer the world that people want to hear about. So we're just having fun with it. I call all these shows the excuse removers because I still coach through these shows, all three of them, and I don't I don't I don't shy away from that. I am coaching through all three of these shows. But this presentation I can coach more because it's just me. I'm not bouncing things off of uh multiple people. So it's just a kind of chance to share what I've learned over these 30 years or so, and just try to help some folks uh get better where they want to get better, you know, turns some mountains in the molehills. So that's what we're doing with the work. I'm excited about it. I know that the numbers don't match up to many, and I I'm okay with that. You know, honestly, yeah. I'm doing I'm doing authentically me through these shows, and I'm happy with that, man. So yeah, the number the numbers will come, the the growth will come, the subscriptions and analytics they'll come, the monetization, it's gonna happen. But I'm just I'm just excited about what we're doing, man. And you're a big part of that, man. So thank you for your contribution to it, too.

SPEAKER_02 48:21

Ah man, thank you. No, it's it's um it's a it's an honor seriously to have been on your show. And and then the panel, I mean, I when I listen to it, there's just so much that comes out of that, and even just the thought process, right? Like that's one thing that that that that I think we're losing a little bit. You got AI, you got everything, like just to be able to sit and think through things, not react to things, but think through things.

SPEAKER_03 48:46

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Um and the the panel does a great job at that. And and you you you run that very well. So super excited to be on that. I'm gonna have all the links available for you, sir for Mr. U down at the show notes for y'all to reach those. Catch the panel. I have that by the way, guys. If you go to my pod roll, if you go down at the bottom, you'll see one-on-one, and I'll put the other one on there as well. So you can easily get to it um on uh bus sprout. I think it's bus sprout that that shows that pod roll, yeah. That's right. Yeah, so it'll be on there. You're on my pod roll, too. Yeah, and we're see, I'm telling you, we're moving up. It's this is this is the world we live in. I'm I'm excited. Um listen, I I know it it's tough, and and we see, like you said, all the negative out there, but you're doing great work, you're doing positive work. And for all of you out there, if if you can just catch a little bit of it, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. You're doing amazing stuff, man. And I really thank you for your time to sit here with Daughters Community and give us some of your background and your story, because uh I think that's what makes that's what makes us learn, right? Those those little things that that we go go through and then be able to share. There's someone out there that has felt, said, or done what you're talking about. And so um, thank you so much for being with us. Thank you so much for your time and for your willingness to be just authentic here. And thank you, man.

SPEAKER_00 50:17

Thank you for having me in here, man. This has been really fun. I hope I can get a chance to connect with you again. You're gonna be on our men's roundtable series podcast, which I'm really excited about. So we're collaborating, man, and we're doing things. And it's hashtag hashtag girl dadnation, baby. We're doing this. So we're here.

SPEAKER_02 50:32

Absolutely. Remember to listen to the show, give the show to another father that that is working on being better every single day, showing up better every single day, because that is our goal here at Daughter Podcast. Until next time, we'll see you all later. Hey, if you enjoy the Daughter Podcast, you'll love what we've got waiting for you at daughterpodcast.com.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

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SPEAKER_02 51:15

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